BEWARE: The Emotional Games People Play!
It can be amazing how people react during the festive season. At a time for joy and harmony many suffer disdain and argument with others, including loved ones, which may have arisen from suppressed resentments. These resentments can be a result of many years of festering unresolved issues that may show themselves in these, at times, stressful occasions.
How do we handle these issues normally without the expression of resentments directed at a specific target? Through the Games We Play. We all play emotional games in order to receive a subconscious reward or pay off. For example; we all at some time or another have played the role of the victim and although the pay offs are different for each individual, a victim can often gain sympathy or attention as a benefit of this game.
HERE IS THE BEWARE:
As every game has a payoff it will also carry through with a rip off. Using the above example of the victim game the rip off would end up being that others will get sick of your game. I ask you! “Do you really want to be that person that people avoid asking how are you today, in fear of you answering them”? Most games are subconscious to justify our own internal defensive belief systems and to protect our deluded ego based opinions of our lives.
To avoid being caught up in your own emotional games, you must first of all own the delusions in order to retrain the negative beliefs attached to the games. On ownership you can retrain your behavioural reactions and consequently deal much more responsibly with how you feel and react. The three R’s are the keys here: Recognise, Retrain and React differently.
(please feel free to share but please recognise the author)
Archive for the ‘Family’ Category
BEWARE: The Emotional Games People Play!
With the closing of 2016 upon us, it’s now time to call for persons interested in furthering their skills to become an Internationally Accredited teacher/coach/counsellor of the Enneagram of personality. Moving Forward Australia is currently accepting applications for both in person and distant learning (overseas) applicants to train within its accredited curriculum. For further enquiries: email@example.com
PROTECTING OUR OWN INTERNAL NEMISIS: It really astonishes me the way we all can manage to defend the very behaviours that get us into trouble. I mean, common sense would have each of us addressing these behaviours in order to limit their impact on not just our own lives but also others that are connected to us. So why do we so vehemently do such a thing? Simply put; it’s easier to point the finger of blame than own our own involvement and address this due to our formed defences of denial. Going responsible for our own actions can be one of the hardest life lessons we need to learn and then put into action. Spending years in defence of certain behaviours, we may not even recognise as being negative, makes it very hard to own. Recognition and ownership can be very liberating as it allows for empathy of others and better still and complete awareness that we are all capable of resolving our own delusions.
Firstly, let’s take a look at what is regarded as micro-management. This term, as with many others, has become very favourable in the HR industry as it allows for yet another definition that enables the HR world to separate itself from the so called norm of what is behaviouiral and traditional discussion. In other words, new terms and new interpretations of old situations allow for new determinations and this could yet prove to be detrimental in the assessment of a situation when considering a workplace bullying situ. For example, if we introduce the Enneagram and how certain styles/types manage people, it is very evident that some styles/types manage very differently from others and this is also tremendously affected by their so called levels of understanding and development of not only self but also others, including those they manage. For arguments sake, as a three on the Enneagram and having grown over the years, I can definitely relate to the argument of ; “If you can’t do it, I will”. Rightly or wrongly, that’s how it was and yet without a sense of the so called Micro Management and consequential workplace bullying, I could have easily continued in that management style. It was, however, so imperative that I discovered the Enneagram and with the insight and learnings of self from this, my management approach dramatically changed and surprise, surprise, there was dramatic changes with the performance of my colleagues as well. As a three on the Enneagram I learnt the lesson that it was about us and not about me and thanks to the Enneagram I now have a great team of in excess of 45 people thriving for their own aspirations at their own levels. celebrating the Enneagram!!
Divisive behaviour is an art perfected by the master manipulators that can have a group of people at logger heads while these people do not understand how it all came about. Suddenly there may well be a situation of conflict arising from absolutely nowhere that really has the players questioning their own sense of sanity. Divisive behavioural players know when and where to move and these timings often affect our own interpersonal relationships because the player is demanding a certain position within the lives of the other actors. You and I.
These people force a wedge between normal communications and satisfy themselves with the knowingness that they have one or more recipients urging them for advisory counsel.
Be wary of the so called “fire starters” as they only have their own interest at heart. To identify the divisive behaviourist, be aware that they gather information on not only you but also others close to you. Once armed they attempt to use the information to create a separation within that so called fragile relationship.
Often the targeted relationship is just a little rocky and doesn’t really require any in-depth counsel. For more information on this topic stayed tuned to our Facebook Page as this will appear as one of our many subjects of the Well Being Evenings. https://www.facebook.com/pages/Moving-Forward-Australia/211146446080
You’ve come so far… really proud of you: Sarah Nichols Moment of realisation! It has been 3 years since I did my Diluting the Iceberg workshop with Moving Forward Australia – and boy did I walk in there being a lost 21 year old!! I had no direction – no sense of positive self regard and had a massive iceberg that I would cart around with me and protect every day. All I can say is – today I look back and see how far I’ve come & the great heights I have reached and everything I have achieved. Finally making something of myself and I am running free with it now best feeling to wake up every morning with a positive attitude to life surrounded by some great friends and mentors xxx
It’s been the old adage of nature versus nurture for years. Does personality formation begin at birth or is it innate prior creating our personal style that creates our enneagram type?
For years now psychologists have argued over the nature versus nurture question. Is our personality formation created from birth or is our personal style innate prior to birth? I believe it is both. I also believe that both can influence our enneagram type. There is such a thing as inherited consciousness as well as environmental conditioning and for this reason both must influence the personality of an individual.
The enneagram type can be determined through behavioral traits as well as emotional reactions to given circumstances any individual may be placed in and maybe this is a clue to our personality formation. Our own personal style may well align with another family member’s personal style leaving open the question that maybe personality formation is also biological and not necessarily just environmental. A person’s personal style can develop via both of these avenues and is probably re-enforced in the environmental aspects of the personality formation.
Because each individual has a different personal style it is hard to comprehend that any typology system would be accurate. With the enneagram however, each enneagram type can describe with absolute accuracy an individual’s personality both on the negative as well as the positive while in some cases delving into the early formative years where the personality formation may take place. It really is ironic how when reading the types you can type yourself and others in your life with a certain enneagram type.
The really great thing about identifying with an enneagram type is that it allows you to understand the basics of your personality formation and better still how your personal style can grow and move forward on most issues in life. The system is actually a non static system that allows for direction to be explained for each individual enneagram type. By following this process each personal style can navigate through many awkward situations that may restrict the particular enneagram type as each type has its own direction of movement.
Personality formation has been the bone of contention in psychology for many, many years and I dare say will be for many, many more. The description of each type assists in all individuals recognising their own traits and the traits of others in their lives. This recognition allows people to have a massive insight into the human psyche while teaching the direction process.
So the old adage of personality formation taking place before or after birth and the fact that a personal style may alter throughout life can all be best explained by identifying your enneagram type and how the enneagram works as the roadmap to integration once you identify where your sit within the system.